


Former Jedi Knight: Snips

by Webtrinsic



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano Lives, Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Ahsoka Tano is a Sibling to the Clones, Ahsoka Tano-centric, Bendu's a little mean in this, Conversations, Growing Up, Guilt, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Revelations, Self-Acceptance, Survivor Guilt, hard truths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:54:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29251788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Webtrinsic/pseuds/Webtrinsic
Summary: When Ahsoka talks to Bendu after her fight with Vader, the conversation is equally as confusing while being far more unpleasant than the first one. But alas, it is a conversation she must have.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Bendu & Ahsoka Tano, Bendu & Kanan Jarrus
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	Former Jedi Knight: Snips

**Author's Note:**

> i have not seen one person bring up how jacked it was for ahsoka to have to fight clones with her facial marking on them so i added this, cause like how does this girl not look in her reflection and just cry
> 
> Again based of the deleted scene between ahsoka talking with bendu before her fight with vader where he tells her she will die

Ahsoka had spoken with gods, had conversations with those who had gone mad, and talked to an array of different characters. No one had ever compared to Bendu, except maybe Master Yoda, and that was only due to his quips and analogies that often went over her head. That and their peculiar attitudes, wise yet playful, unabashed in their joking and secure in their near omnipotence. 

She’d spoken briefly with Bendu before her fight with Ana-Vader. He had warned her about change, about how said change could equate to her death. Then when she had pressed, asking if she would die, he’d questioned that as well, but his voice had been firm, wistful yet certain as he deemed her, “Former Jedi Knight,” and as she approached again.

New knowledge sat on the tip of her tongue, change and death fluttering around her features, tainting her force signature, his voice was grand, “Hello Ahsoka Tano, Jedi Knight.”

“Hello Bendu,” she returned, taking in the setting sun of Atollon with haunted eyes. The dusted orange sky pulled at distant memories, reminding her of the very skin on her bones, and she wonders briefly even after Ezra had physically grabbed her, was she alive?

“Am I in the presence of a ghost?” she’s unsure if he means it in jest, but there is a certain amount of mirth to his words that even with her experience she struggles to make out.

The togruta isn’t sure if she knows the answer to the question either. But she shakes her head no, unable to say it with certainty vocally, so it will have to do. Bendu’s hulking figure takes in a breath in response, looking down at her with something akin to sympathy before it crumbled into intrigue.

“How have you changed my dear?”

“I learned that my former master is the sith lord that I had believed killed him at the end of the clone wars,” Ahsoka admits, looking back up at the ancient force being with unreserved anguish.

“And this means nothing,” Bendu returns, and the statement ignites a fury in her that she knows mimics the very person who had planted the seeds of darkness within.

“It mean-”

“But how have you changed?” the being reasserts, his tone so daunting Ahsoka finds herself flinching. 

“I don’t know!” she shouts, tears sprinkling down her cheeks. She doesn’t know how this has changed her, she hadn’t truly thought about it, just that Bendu had said it, and even then he’d made his questions and observations unreliable, “I don’t know,” it’s a whisper as she crashes to her knees.

“Please just tell me how I’ve changed,” she pleads, the sand underneath her growing wet with her tears as she squeezed her eyes shut. Plunging into the force with such fervor that it physically pained her, searching deep within for anything different since that fight, it’s a gruelling arduous task.

But she finds _something_ , and it comes out with a scream. Bendu doesn’t react as she screeches up at the now deep blue sky, her hands gripping the sand as if it wasn’t molding directly under her fingertips.

“I’m not snips anymore,” and she hadn’t been for sometime, but deep within it’d still been there for a moment. Reacting to Anakin who had been there as well just for a second, watching and encouraging her as she vowed foolishly to never leave his side.

“I’m not snips anymore,” it’s a litany on her tongue as the hulking figure rests a comforting hand on her back. When was she truly snips last?

“Or are you?” How dare he contradict every question he asks with another question, was this fun to him? A game?

“How else could I have changed?” She leans into Bendu’s touch, semi-unwillingly, and she wonders how Kanan dealt with Bendu and his misadventures. Maybe he was often as frustrated as her. It’s a comforting thought.

“You’ve changed much in your life my dear, the point now is that you’ve realized it,” that among other things, “What have you learned?”

Ahsoka breathes in deep, wiping her eyes after shaking the sand off on her thighs, her orange skin reminding her of the once glimmering sky. Of herself. 

“The most dangerous men are those who are just following orders, especially the ones who don’t have any other choice,” Vader’s mechanical breathing infests her montrals, Anakin’s burnt face hidden beneath obsidian confines blinds her eyes and his mask is not the only mask that haunts her. 

It’s not even the only mask that signifies that unfortunate truth. The clones. The poor kriffin clones that had been turned slave, the ones that'd partook in killing them all. Clones who she’d coined as brothers who had followed her into her last battle in armor devoted entirely to her.

She’d looked death in the face, and it’d mirrored her own.

She’d looked death in the face again, and it’d been someone she loved.

Ahsoka herself had died. Not once but twice and she can’t be sure if she will again and again, or if it is seemingly impossible to truly escape the land living.

“And how does this make you feel? What has this made you realize?”

“It is not my job to bring Anakin back to the light and... I didn’t fail him,” and that is what had changed, she’d finally absolved herself of that stem of guilt. Not all of it, but what was most pressing.

The weight of these truths pulled her closer to the sand, it wasn’t up to her to bring her brother back to the surface. Any attempts would be null and void. No matter what she did she wouldn’t reach him, and that was okay.

It didn’t mean there wasn’t any hope in bringing him back to the light. Whatever was left of him, beyond her reach, was potentially in the reach of another. Maybe even his own.

“Do you see now my dear? You have changed. You have died, and yet you are here a Jedi Knight. A ghost,” 

Yes, a ghost. A ghost of the Jedi Order, a ghost of the past, and a ghost of a little sister who once went by snips.

**Author's Note:**

> Snap: allisonw1122  
> Tumblr/twitter: webtrinsic1122  
> Insta:Webtrinsic


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